The Blast

What if I told you that there was a new show on tv with the greatest tv sitcom dad ever, the coolest tv high school rebel ever, and the hottest 80s movie prostitute ever all in the same cast?

Would that be something that you would be interested in?

It may be too early to tell but I am starting to like John from Cincinnati, the new drama on HBO. It features three of my favorite actors from my childhood which is awesome, especially when you consider my affection for nostalgia. Ed O'Neill a.ka. Al Bundy is one of the main characters on the show. Luke Perry returns, but not as 90210 hunk Dylan McKay, but instead as a creepy agent who seems to be up to no good. Rebecca Demornay plays the hottest grandma ever, but not quite as hot as the whore who rocked Tom Cruise's world on a train while Phil Collins rocked out in the background. Not to mention, Luis Guzman, who is one of the most underrated actors of the last 15 years, and seems like he is every movie that came out in the late 1990s.

It seems like the show is going to be about some heavy duty stuff while maintaining a sense of humor. The writing and acting have been good thus far, and I am very excited to see where it goes.

In other television news, I was not too mad about the Sopranos finale. Phil finally got his, and you had too know it was not going to please everyone. Plus I don't really give two shits, since we are slowly moving closer to Season 5 of the Wire, a.k.a. the greatest show ever. Entourage has made a small comeback and it does not seem ready to die yet, which is pleasant. Big Love is very addictive and has some great characters. Basically HBO dominates good tv, especially in the summer.

One show on network I am really starting to like is Studio 60. They are airing the rest of the unaired season on Thursdays and watching the show hit its stride has been bittersweet. Kind of like 5 run rally in the bottom of the ninth inning when your team is down 10 runs in Game 7. It really says something about the intelligence of this country that shows like Studio 60 get canceled, and droves of lemmings watch Deal or No Deal and billions of horrible reality shows every week. I love a good reality show but some of this shit is disgraceful, and Howie Mandel was awesome on St. Elsewhere . . . . 20 years ago.

I am starting to wonder if anyone will make a great album anytime soon. I am constantly looking for new and exciting music to listen to and I continue to fall short. The only good music I can find is actually old music that I never got into earlier on in my life. Speaking of, Elvis Costello is really awesome and made some truly amazing songs. I think I like him way better than the king. There is still some quality hip hop being made, but nothing special and especially none of the crap on the radio

I am pretty sure I jinxed the month of June for myself by mentioning it in that last post. This month has been one of the busiest of my life, and I do not think I have enjoyed any of it too much. But there is always hope for July. Hail Caesar!!

Emit Remmus

Shout out to Red Hot Chili Peppers for the title of this post.

-I am now officially on vacation and will probably post more frequently as a result. I do not have any real direction for this post, so I plan to just type about a few topics of note and see where I end up.

-The first topic I will dedicate space to is the man in the picture above. I just recently purchased his new book, The Assault on Reason and I have started reading it. I did not purchase the book because he wrote it, rather I was intrigued by the title and I like the premise. Since I started reading I have began thinking a lot about Al Gore. He is a really, really bright guy. Political pundits continue to guess and speculate about whether or not he will enter the race for the 2008 election. I am yet to decide which candidate I will vote for, and I am just excited that we will have a new president. I also believe that for the first time in a while there are a few competent candidates.

Back in 2000, Al Gore ran for president and ended up losing to our current Commander in Chief. That election was the first presidential election that I voted in and at the time I was not excited about either candidate. I preferred Bill Bradley and John McCain to Gore and Bush, and in a way I felt like I was choosing the lesser of two evils. I ended up voting for Gore, because I came to respect him, and thought he was clearly the more intelligent candidate. If I have two choices and one is smart and the other is not, I almost always choose the smart one. Even if they are boring as hell. I am not sure where I am going with this but I would vote for Gore again, and I recommend his new book to anyone looking for a good read.

-I am also reading two other books right now, and both of them are quite good as well. The first is the critically acclaimed Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt. The book came out years ago and is very good. I originally got into McCourt by reading his latest book, Teacher Man, which is one of my favorite books ever. The other book I am reading is Can I Keep My Jersey by NBA journeyman Paul Shirley. The book tells Shirley's story of being a not so rich and famous professional athlete. Shirley writes very well and the book is very entertaining and quite funny.

-I came across Shirley's book when he was a guest on ESPN.com's Bill Simmons' podcast. Which has become one of my favorite sources of entertainment over the past month or so. He has had a number of different guests who have been enjoyable, including Shirley. Most recently, Simmons interviewed Alton from the Real World Las Vegas and the RW/RR Challenges on MTV. I love the Real World and I really like to watch the Challenges and the chaos that ensues when you put all those crazy people together.

-Most of the good shows on TV are now reruns, and I am actively looking for new shows to watch over the summer. Sopranos only has two episodes left, which I am pumped to see. The other shows on HBO look good to and I will be watching a lot of them.

-I really hope that Lebron can carry his sorry ass teammates past the Pistons or I might not watch a single game of the NBA finals. Since I can remember I have watched at least a couple games from every NBA Finals. The only time I did not watch a single World Series game was two years ago when the White Sox won. In fact, I have no clue who they beat.

-I am eagerly looking forward to the NBA draft to see what the Hawks do with their two picks. I wish they would hire me as their GM, and fire the idiot who currently holds the job. The Hawks would have been a playoff team this year if I would have been the GM the past 5 years. We would have drafted Chris Paul, not Marvin Williams and we would have Luol Deng as well. I hope they trade the picks and get a legit PG or big man, but it is more likely that Billy Knight will just fuck it all up. Wait and see, I suppose.

-The first of June is tomorrow and I hope that this June is as pleasant for me as last June was, and hopefully July of '07 will not suck balls like July of '06 did. Challah!

Blame it on the Stache

The following information may or may not be fictional:

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about Barry Bonds and the events that have made him newsworthy over the past 5 or so years. He is on the way to becoming the All Time Home Run leader in Major League Baseball history. The reason why so many people seem to care and not care simultaneously is because many people believe he has used steroids and that is why he has hit so many home runs. Baseball purists hold on to their records like Baptists hold on to the idea that their daughters will stay "pure" until they are married. Needless to say they do not want to see Barry break the record.

I believe that I can explain the whole situation and what made Barry do what he has done. To understand this, we must jump into the Delorian and travel back in time to the late 1980s (Cue Huey Lewis and the News). At this point in time, Barry was a member of the Pittsburgh Pirates. Barry had always been an amazing ballplayer, from childhood through his time at Arizona State. His career in Pittsburgh did not start off as well, but after a couple of years he was showing flashes of brilliance and playing as well as he was projected to play.

It was also at this point in time that he would meet the man who would ultimately lead him to ruin his career, while at the same time make him a household name. That man is Sidney Eugene Bream, a.k.a. "Sid." Sid and Barry arrived in Pittsburgh within a year or two of one another, but were different in many ways. Sid came via a trade with the Los Angeles Dodgers, and Barry arrived with a pedigree and a lot of hype/potential via the Amateur Draft.

Sid was never that great of a ballplayer, especially on the offensive side. He was always solid though and was an above par defensive first baseman. Barry on the other hand was the son of a former major leaguer and the god-son of the great Wilie Mays. In other words, he was going to be on the of all-time greats unless something went wrong.

As teammates, Sid and Barry were cordial and got along fine. But they were treated very differently in the eyes of the media and the fans. Barry has always been abrasive and as a result he was the target of the media, and not always the fan favorite. Sid on the other hand was adored by the fans and got along with the media as well. Because of this Barry began to resent Sid and everything he stood for. Barry could not understand why everyone loved someone who was a boring and dull as Sid. Barry felt like he was twice the ballplayer that Sid was and should be loved twice as much. So, while Barry said nice things to and about Sid in public, in his heart of hearts he despised him and envied him at the same time.

Then in 1990, Sid left Pittsburgh via free agency and went to be a member of the lowly Atlant Braves organization. Barry was happy to see him leave, and figured Sid would no longer torture him or have any impact on his life whatsoever. Unfortunately for Barry and for the baseball purists, he was wrong.

The lowly Atlanta Braves went from "worst to first" in 1991. They won what would be the first of many division titles and made the playoffs for the first time in years. Sid was the starting first baseman, and as usual was not the best player on the team but he was loved by teammates and fans alike. In 1992, the Braves made the playoffs again and the only thing stopping them from reaching their second straight World Series was Barry Bonds and the Pittsburgh Pirates.

It was game 7 of the 1992 National League Championship Series that would inevitably be the most important moment of both men's lives. The setting was Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium, and the event was what would become known as simply "The Slide." Bream was on second base when Francisco Cabrera would hit a line drive to Barry Bonds in left field. Bream represented the winning run, and the tying run had just scored when he was waved home by the third base coach. Bonds cleanly made the play and came up throwing home in attempt to catch Bream and keep the Pirates season alive. Bonds throw was a little late, and Bream safely slided his way into the Pantheon of Atlanta sports heroes.

This was the moment that drove Barry to "juice" it up. He was ashamed and astonished that he could not throw out Sid. He vividly remembers watching Sid run, and remembers thinking he might be the slowest human being alive. The play was replayed on ESPN for months and months. And while Sid and his teammates were battling Joe Carter and the Toronto Blue Jays in the World Series, Barry was home trying to figure out how he could get his revenge on Sid Bream and stake his claim as the greatest baseball player to ever live.

Pride is a horrible thing at times, and it was Barry's pride and absolute hatred of Sid that drove him to cheat his way into the record books. So in the coming months as Barry breaks Hank Aaron's home run record, just remember that it is all Sid Bream's doing.